"Monster Brawl" - - Undeadliest Warrior

If a werewolf bit Frankenstein's monster, would it turn him into a Frankenwolf?

Questions like that will fill your head while watching "Monster Brawl," the cinematic equivalent of a kid in the backyard banging action figures against each other. The premise (I don't think I can use the word "plot") is a group of famous monsters fight each other.

Sounds awesome!

So why doesn't it work? Well, for one, every fight starts off in a wrestling ring. Sometimes the fight spills out into the surrounding graveyard but for the most part it's just standard wrestling moves by people in monster make up. Sure they have their special attacks like the Swamp Gut's gas attack and Witch Bitch's magic . . .

Oh, I didn't tell you about Witch Bitch?



She's the underdog. The Rocky of "Monster Brawl." She takes the ridiculous name of Witch Bitch because that's what her tormentors called her anyways. Good thing she wasn't a warlock or I'd have to enter "Warcock" into my Word Dictionary to avoid spellchecks.

So let's see how our scrappy little fighter fares during her first fight:

She gets her face melted off by a Cyclop's laser eye. On to the next match!

That's another problem with "Monster Brawl": Every character gets a back story. Do I really need to know the origin of the Mummy or Lady Vampire? If you're over the age of 12 and you don't know how werewolves become werewolves then there is something lacking in your life. Almost half of the movie is backstory for characters who minutes later get their guts ripped out. And even the winners disappear once they win their division. No Monster Royal Rumble at the end.

And that is the biggest disappointment of this movie: The ending. As in, there isn't one. The final scene is Kevin Nash as a zombie and Frankenstein's Monster punching each other at the same time while our ever put-upon announcer watches in horror. The end. It's like they ran out of room on their HD cards and decided to call it a day and then forgot about it until they were already editing the movie. If I rent a movie called "Monster Brawl," that's what I want. The elaborate backstories could have been done as voice over's during the match by the announcers. Why do I need to know Swamp Gut's origin, it's in his name! He's from the swamp and he's fat. Done.

This movie could have been awesome, campy fun. Instead it suffocates on it's own vomit by trying to shoehorn in an over-arching "plot" and "character development" instead of just giving the viewer what they want: monsters brawling.